Like many, the emotional roller coaster of this election year and the ensuing results frayed my nerves and left me despondent. Unlike many, I’m a SAHM (Stay at Home Mom) and am blessed with an amazingly supportive family and community. They gave me the time needed to meditate; to follow what my soul and body were crying out for me to do.
My heart broke on the night of the elections. I stayed up, praying for a miracle. Hate and insidious lying won. Racism and misogyny won. An orange buffoon who treats women as playthings and objects whose only virtue is their looks won. The alt-right uber evil machine that is Fox who chews up the truth and spits out bizarre versions of the world won. We were now the laughingstock of the world. China is sure to hold us up as an example of how democracy doesn’t work. The thoughts continued in my head, preying on my fears and playing havoc in my soul. Worries of Evangelistic Christians coming after Pagans and therefore my children gained over my logic. I was terrified but, knew I couldn’t stay in that feeling. I had to heal, to move forward for not only myself but my family and my community. But how?
The night after the elections, I lied down to rest at 6 pm. I was planning on attending my son’s parent/teacher class meeting online at 6:30, so a 10-minute rest seemed totally doable. I ended up sleeping through my alarm (or forgot to set it, IDK) and proceeded to get 12-hours of sleep. My family saw that I needed sleep, so they lovingly let me have it.
The next day, I was fortunate enough to be in a position to ask the school to give my kids a hot snack and lunch and bill me – meaning that I was able to forgo the stress of making the kids’ lunch and searching for cash. If you’ve been through the craziness of having to get your kids out the door while trying to pack a nutritious snack and lunch for them, then you’ll understand the feeling of joy that fills a parent when given the freedom NOT to pack that food.
When I returned home that day, I communed with Gaia and asked her to take my angst away. I placed my hands on the Earth and let the fear and despair flow out of my heart and head. They flowed down my arms and dispersed deep into the Earth. I felt the connection take hold and her love and strength flowed by up through my arms and filled my body. I started cleaning around the plants I was touching, noticing that a few months of leaves and dead growth were suffocating the plants, so I began to clean them out. I could feel them begin to breathe. A feeling began to come over me, a deep need that I couldn’t explain took over. I began tearing out other plants in front of my house – the ones I never liked. As a way to release this anger, I even called one Trump and hacked it as much as I could. While I was able to cut it down to the main stalk, I wasn’t able to pull or dig it out. I heard a noise and saw a gardener working on a house down the street. Perfect! He said he’d pull out the plant for $10 but, was very happy when I gave him $15. I so loved the picture in my head of a Mexican Immigrant pulling Trump out of the ground, essentially killing him. I have no way of knowing if this gentleman was an immigrant or not, or if he was from Mexico – it didn’t matter. This was therapy, not reality.
While I already had most of the plants I wanted to replace them with, I still needed a few more to complete the effect. But, it was an ‘early out’ day, and I had to pick up the kids. So, I forced them to come to “Summer Winds” nursery with me. They were as patient as kids could be as I tried to decide between plants (it’s a painful place to be when you have to wait for what seems forever for me to make up my mind, trust me). Still, they did it because I explained that I needed this to deal with the emotional upheaval of the elections. That, and I had promised that we’d eat at the place I normally forbade – McDonald’s!
Upon coming home to see the front of the house looking completely different and seeing all the new plants, my husband didn’t get upset with me. I was ready to explain it all, but I didn’t have to. He also understood that I needed this to deal with the new reality. I’m sure it shocked him as I would never have done anything as drastic as this without discussing it with him first. We are a team, after all. He did end up asking me a couple of days later how much I had spent but, after a silent pause, said that if I could figure out how to make it work with our budget, then he was fine. He even reminded me of an unrelated item I needed to return as a way to help.
I’m so grateful that I was able to hide from the world, for the most part, for a couple of days, while dealing with the election results. That is until the kids’ Field Day forced my out of my hermit’s cave. It didn’t matter that the gardening had raised the pain level of my back to 7 and that my heart still felt heavy, I strapped on my ice belt and got into my car. My time for wallowing was up, I had no choice but to rejoin the land of the living.
And what a happy return it was! I was put in charge of a game I’d never heard of called “Steal the Bacon.” Thank the gods for the ice pack belt, and the joy of the children! I quickly read the instruction and perused the supplies they gave me. An adorable kindergartner happily joined in and helped me to figure out how to set up the game. For once, my loudness and enthusiasm were perfect. I would yell things like coaches did “Look alive, people!”, “Wait for your number to be called!”, and “It’s just a game, have fun!”, while I would purposefully mix up the number order and encouraged silliness. Extra points were awarded for hilarity and creative strategy. Being completely free to be me and being surrounded by such happiness got me back on the road to healing, to feeling whole.
I may not be able to do much about what’s going on in our country right now but, I can do positive things in my community and with my family. I can continue being a strong member of my Pagan Community – running a kids’ circle, starting Moon School as a way to teach the Pagan kids, and taking part in my adult Pagan community’s Yule ritual. I can continue to share and teach music with the supportive community that is my children’s school. I can continue to greet everyone I meet with a smile and nod, sending a feeling of acceptance. I can continue to raise compassionate children who excel at critical thinking. I can continue to work spells over Fox News and other such organizations to encourage them to tell the unvarnished, unbiased truth; to unweave their tangled web of deception.* I can surround myself with love and laughter, gaining strength to pick back up the torch and join the fight. Perhaps I’ll even join in the local protests and bring them hot chocolate. Love Trumps Hate.
* Remember, when you do a spell on others, you must be prepared for the magick to return to you. As I normally tell the truth, I am fine with continuing to do so, and if my truth has been biased, I welcome the gods telling me otherwise. If I have a web of deception, I don’t know about it, so I also welcome the gods enlightening me.